No Happy Nonsense

Form Response for Recruiters


April 11th, 2023 | Copy and Paste and Send with Haste

I've been getting a lot of emails from recruiters lately, offering me shitty jobs in small and mid-sized offices. I usually just delete them without even looking, but for whatever reason I started reading through some of them and noticed that virtually all of the job listings don't list the company that is hiring, the pay rate, or if it's a remote/hybrid/on-site gig.

This is dumb. How do I know if I want to work at your company when I don't know who it is I'm working for? Or how much you'll pay me? Or if I have to go into your shitty open-floor-plan cubicle hellworld and breathe the same air as you, tasting your stale sweat in the moisture of the air, the regret of a thousand cups of coffee pushing you forward through a miserable existence, trying to grind out one more spreadsheet before you cap off the night with shitty beer and shittier food at happy hour prices from the closest corporatized haunt?

I've started replying back with a form message to these recruiters. I've copy+pasted the message below, in case you yourself are dealing with these lot and want to cut through their corporate jargon and get to the good deets.

Hello Recruiter,

Thank you for your interest in me as a resource unit to facilitate the creation of wealth via labor. Unfortunately, your job listing is unnecessarily vague and does not list one or more of the necessary pieces of information that would allow me to reasonably decide if this position is legitimate and/or will support my debaucherous lifestyle.

Please respond with the following three pieces of information:

1) Name of company offering the role
2) Compensation rate for the role
3) Is the role 100% remote (Y/N)

A response without the above details provided in the body of the email will be ignored.

Kind Regards,
Mike

It doesn't really need to be stated, but I guess I will anyway: don't send this message back to a recruiter if you actually want the job.


Filed Under: Supernumerary