Everything was butts, well, except for the butts.

"I wanna contribute to the chaos."

It feels good to pray for feeling good.

Humor, Fiction, Despair, Essays, Podcasts, Book Reviews, and other promises I can't keep.

I like coffee and bread and being alive.

Hello there friendly friendys.

I write things for fun and (no) profit, and so can you!

Your quote could be here! Low rates and pay-as-you-go plans available.

What does 'Shiitake Worsthand' even mean, anyway?

Enough with these stupid anagrams.

Just give me a can of beans and I'm set.

Like a warm bath full of pennies and maple syrup.

Books are stupid, who wants to read books? - Mark Twain

Make up lots of things and post them on the Internet and you too can be successful!

Congratulations, you're the #1 fan!

Bananas are underrated as an overall fruit.

Please use a coaster for the duration of your stay.

Because football.com was already taken.

You wouldn't believe how much effort it took to install this.

On good days I sit down to meditate and nothing happens.

If anyone has any good cake recipes please email them to me.

Carmen Sandiego was the worst show I ever watched Premiere to Finale.

"So who's gonna watch you die?"

Everyone was pretty cool and made interesting things. - review of Neocities, 2020

On average, 7 injuries occur during a single NFL game.

Email me pictures of your home-baked bread.

Another version of a site that you won't spend too long visiting.

Is this vegan? - my aunt, holding an apple

There's a piece of paper in your back pocket.

Read The Desk for all the stupidity of Twitter, but in an even worse format.

I should probably be reading something or writing something.

Bread recipe: 300g flour, 10g salt, 6g baking soda, 250g water. 50 min @450°

Mount Jozzerzo demands your attention.

Dreams of going to Mars won't save you.

Forget everything you know about all things you know nothing about.

Is it just me or does TV kinda suck now?

Light a candle, pour yourself a tasty bev and enjoy mediocre written content.

Hi Friends, Hello Enemies, Good day Noble Countrymen.

Now with 50% more!

I've been a few places before, not my fav.

I drink expensive craft coffee and make my own pickles. I am a hipster but just like, not cool at all.

Let's be real, nobody thought Blockbuster was going to go out of business.

Taylor Ham, Egg and Chesse on an Everything Bagel. Salt, Pepper, Ketchup. This is the food of my people.

Booze Cruise = no. Snooze Cruise = yes.

Don't fall in love with me, kid. I'll try to keep ya alive.

Call your mom, she misses you.

A really great answer to the questions that no one is asking.

Call your mom, she misses you.

I'd rather be running.

Grass grows by the inch, and dies by the foot. Grass also is useless, grow veggies instead.

I ate so much pineapple once (in a contest) that my gums bled.

I can't remember the last time I watered the plants.

Tree grow tall, tree big fall.

We can't get back to a life of trading Pokemon cards and playing THPS2, but we can try.

It's all different now. Well no, the corporations are still mega-rich and avoid taxes, but everything else is different.

I worked as a black jack dealer on a booze cruise boat once. It sucked.

Like a zine, but on the computer, and using different file formats and hyperlinks. So, like a website.

Coming soon: more stuff.

No Gods, No Masters, No Problem.

When I was a little kid I had an imaginary friend who was a ghost.

"Mom likes Special Kaaaaayyyyyyyy"

The clouds just look like clouds, no hippos or teddy bears today. Disappointing.

A gentleman's agreement: one pirated CD in exchange for two boxes of Smores Pop-Tarts.

So this is how I die? Literally suffocating under a rock and the concrete ground?

Please hire me to write things, but only if I feel like writing them.

Can't go back, don't wanna go forward.

Literally just writing things and pretending they're important.

There comes a time in every person's life where they give up entirely and start watching reality TV.

I'll probably never do anything meaningful beyond my small community and that's okay.

Recycling is stupid and doesn't work, just stop buying shit you have to throw away.

"But you still wear a cross, and you think you're gonna get in."

If you can't find a coaster feel free to just throw the mug on the ground as hard as you can.

I found a water filter today but I'm pretty sure it was filled with bees.

Go outside, it's better there.

Currently Reading: Words

The plant shelf is looking slightly under-watered.

Vegan cheese has gotten a lot better lately.

My cousin trying to sound smart: Think about it, when was the last time you were naked? Me: Bro, don't you take showers?

Am I a liar or a thief? I dunno I think I'm just ugly.

How many pounds of beans have you eaten this week?

Mike writes things sometimes.

More things coming when I finish those things.

My keyboard is slowly dying.

Like that one Twilight Zone episode.

"HACK THE PLANET"

Walkin' around outside these days is surreal, but boring.

"I don't care about nothin' but you."

My comfort food is a bag of chips eaten while standing in a parking lot.

Awarded "Most Website" of 2020 by The Internet People Inc.

Too many books, too few eyes.

Standing desks involve two of my least favorite things.

White-hot passion about various subjects for about 10 minutes and then devolving back into youtube algorithm-holes and shitty reddit threads.

Like a blog, only harder to navigate!

Headphones, Coffee, Book.

If aliens aren't real how can you explain Will Smith not only fighting them off with computer viruses, but also being a secret agent dealing with alien matters?

Toilet paper is for butts.

Like a shower while there's a storm happening and you have a bathroom window to look out. Except it's not like that at all, really.

Subscribe to my new Wine of the Month club. It's the same wine each month, I just upcharge you $10.

Bucket list (since I was 6 years old): Do a backflip. High hopes.

Concrete and street lamps make me feel comfy.

I'd rather be playing video games while thinking about how I'd rather be reading.

Where low skill meets low effort.

This won't take long.

Take our new quiz: What type of automobile are you? (It's Honda Civic, trust me)

I use two monitors but it's just duplicate screen on both monitors because I don't know how to fix it.

My grandpa was a brick-layer for 45 years so I could sit on the internet and complain about coffee.

Raisin Bran is both underrated and extremely overrated, a true paradox.

For all your mushroom news.

Finding the Soundcloud account of a person you hate in real life is something magical.

Put edible leaf in hot water = tea Put edible leaf in mouth = salad

I like fast cars fast women fast food fast lane fast ball fast times fast death

If you're looking for the map museum, you've gone too far.

Basically useless.

Let's go for a run and try not to barf after.

Does anyone read these things, anyway?

This website retains all of your information, including birth date, mother's maiden name, SS, current credit card, and favorite movie.

I pretend to be a writer in my spare time.

The People of Oddland seem to be upset abou--wait, wrong thing.

What does "Strange Crust" even mean, anyway?

How many times are you going to change the name of this site?

No Gods, No Masters, No Internet. Shit sucks.

Still alive (unless otherwise noted)

Thanks Rios.

I mean how much does one person really have to say before it's just the same old crap repeated in slightly different ways?

Trying so hard to pretend it's the year 2005.

New posts every Tuesday, Thursday & Saturday.

"I miss the way things used to be."

Desperate for attention; hates talking to people.

Let's get all coffeed up and talk about books.

"I hope you know you're my favorite thing about the West Coast."

You ever sit on the toilet and think about deep stuff but then you realize you're literally crapping and nothing matters?

Sure the Titans are strong, but do they have instant coffee?

I'm just searching for an overly large arcade.

If I read books like I sat and thought about all my regrets, I'd have read a lot of books.

Pine Pine Pine

Google Maps can really fuck up your brain sometimes.

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I just want to smoke cigs and sit on big steps, and I'm all out of both cigarettes and big steps.

"It's college week, you can't stop it."

Run far, read lots, drink coffee.

"Hey how's it going?" "Yesterday I ate a whole pizza and drank a whole 2 liter of soda."

2% is a recoverable percentage.

Kinda crazy how music from 20 years ago still FUCKING POPS BABAAAY.

"Mutiny is brewing."

Pizza Crust Website Currently: Offline

When I get rich and famous I promise I'll sell stuff on Ebay.

Trains, Cars, Bikes, and the death of whatever else you thought.

There's a coffee joint in my town but it is massively underwhelming.

"Let me just roll in real quick and get a cup of joe."

Decade air is the coolest BMX trick, you're wrong if you think otherwise.

It's too cold for a hoodie but you kinda enjoy being under-prepared.

We'll never be here again.

Snip the barbed wire, hop the fence, skate the picnic tables.

If buying 100 pounds of flour has taught me anything, I didn't learn it good cuz I just bought another hundred.

It's like The Office, except it's not critically acclaimed and the general audience doesn't like it either.

Is this a blog about bread? Pizza? Coffee? Earth? Yes.

"I'm more of a whiskey guy." "Cool, but we're at Chipotle ordering burritos."

Black liquid go go juice.

"What are you reading?" "A book." "Yeah, but which one?" "This one."

"Brewing is mutiny."

Terrible, terrible little bloggy posts, an occasional longer terrible post, and blinding white background.

Cut off my head and slam dunk it with a 360, I am happy to be here today.

Sometimes things just pop up into existence without explanation.

My hair is growing, my nails are growing, my teeth are...growing?

Keep digging, there's another world down there, away from the light.

Like a really bad cup of coffee after an impossibly long shift at work.

Why do people choose hills to die on? I'd rather die in space, fighting aliens.

Writing the same tired crap since 2008. Not for this site, just, ya know, in general.

If you can read this, you know how to read.

One yard once an hour. Repeat.

Keep making stuff, something good will happen.

Today we remember the dark time where the quote generator was no longer functional. Never again.

It's not false modesty, I just honestly don't know.

I just want to stop writing.

Putting the "i" into "AI"

Only cool and funny quotes go here.

"I thought of a good quote the other day." "Oh cool, what was it?" "I forgot."

"Nothing worse than perfection." - Furnace, 2023